


Baby, It’s Cold Outside

by Z1NC



Series: Holidays with the Marvel Bunch [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, Flirting, I’ll rewrite this eventually, M/M, Set around the holidays, Singing, please don’t read this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:40:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21892303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Z1NC/pseuds/Z1NC
Summary: Wade convinces Peter to stay.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: Holidays with the Marvel Bunch [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069772
Comments: 9
Kudos: 132





	Baby, It’s Cold Outside

**Author's Note:**

> I tend to make everything a joke (*cough*) so I tried not to do that with this.  
> I hope it’s enjoyable!
> 
> [White]  
> {Yellow}

A long, drawn-out, overly dramatic yawn escaped Wade. The man stretched his right arm into the air, as if he wasn’t doing this as an ulterior motive, and placed his arm on the back of the couch, resting nicely by Peter’s neck. Unconsciously, Peter leant into the touch. The TV flashed blue light onto Peter and Wade swore that this was the best moment of his life. 

[No ‘swearing’, you Neanderthal. It’s one of the author’s rules.]

{Yet they still write smut . . . Well, at least we’re getting some action. Have you heard what’s going on with Cap and Tin Can recently? It—}

Wade imagined himself beating Yellow over the head (even though Yellow is just a box) and then chopping his body to pieces. Or just throwing him off a cliff. That would work too. Yellow made a sound and yelled about being defiled. Wade decided to try and tune them out. His boyfriend was much more important, anyway. 

Peter’s eyes were dropping more and more as he stared at the television. Wade kissed his cheek. 

“It’s getting late,” Peter started, and Wade’s boxes came to a halt and practically started singing. Oh, all the options. “I better get going. Aunt May is having me bake cookies with her tomorrow. We were supposed to bake them last week, but um, I was busy so we decided to do them on Christmas and—” Was Peter’s rambling absolutely adorable? Of course it was. It  _ always  _ was. But the moment he had said that he ‘better get going’ Wade nearly had a heart attack. 

{IF YOU LOVE ME LET ME—}

[Stop. This is serious. We have to convince Peter to stay.]

{Y’know, if you’d just  _ relax  _ you’d understand that there’s no way he’s leaving this house without us  _ AT LEAST  _ marking him up.}

Wade thought that sounded great. Except, how was he going to convince his little spider to stay overnight? He honestly couldn’t come up with a better reason besides  _ “I wanna pound you into the bed.”  _ Maybe he could say that.

[Don’t.  _ Baaaad  _ idea.]

Okay, nevermind. He wouldn’t do that. 

Wade jumped when he noticed that Peter had stood up and gotten his coat from the closet. He panicked and said the first thing that came to mind. “Baby, it’s cold outside.” The right corner of Peter’s mouth rose and Wade really wanted to kiss him right then. His boyfriend stared at him expectantly and Wade  _ really  _ wished he had hair right about now so he could pull at it. Was he really going to do this?

{Yes! I’VE GOT TO GO AWAY. BABY, IT’S COLD—}

Peter started singing. This once in a lifetime moment was happening in front of his very eyes and Yellow was interrupting it.  _ Gah!  _ Wade wanted to punch himself but that would stop Peter from singing.

“I really can’t stay . . .” Wade gulped and took a step closer to Peter. The man was giving him the sexiest, sassiest little smirk he had ever seen. Can ‘swooning’ actually happen to people? 

[Probably. We can look it up later. Stop thinking about this! Think about Peter! Focus on Peter!]

{I don’t know if we can swoon but I know we can get boner so  _ hurry up.  _ I agree with White for once!}

[Shut up! Wade needs to  _ focus.] _

Knowing Peter— which Wade definitely did— he knew all of the lyrics to this song. He loved his boyfriend so much. 

“Baby, it’s cold outside.” There had been literal radio silence from Wade for too long and Peter had adopted a worried look. Thank goodness it was gone now, replaced with that previous jean-tightening expression. Wade was pretty sure that he was swooning. This would have to be reported somewhere, wouldn’t it? NASA? 

[ . . . ]

{  _ PETER  _ }

The man had sang the next line. Wade slapped his leg and winced at the sound it made. Peter appeared worried for a moment so Wade sang. “Baby, it’s cold outside.”

“This evening has been . . .” Wade was seriously so incredibly attracted to this man. 

“Been hoping that you’d drop in.” 

“So very nice.” 

“I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice.” And, yes, Wade took Peter’s hands into his own and held them. He knew that he was cheesy. But, dang. This was a large extra-cheese pizza. If the grin on Peter’s face was any indicator, he liked the large extra-cheese pizza-ness. 

A look of distraught coated Peter’s features for just a moment, then he was smiling again. “My aunt will start to worry.” Ah, right. The lyrics weren’t exactly Peter friendly. Wade thought he could take some liberties himself. 

“Twinkie, what’s your hurry?” Peter gave him an unamused look. 

{It’s not our fault that he can’t accept that he’s a twink.} 

[Uh-huh.] 

“My fathers will be pacing the floor.” 

Wade paused. “Listen to my sto-omach roar.” The cutest little giggle escaped Peter at that. 

{Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but tonight I’m fu—}

[That song is  _ very  _ rude.] Wade growled a bit and they both went quiet. His boyfriend continued. “So, really, I’d better scurry.” In that moment, Wade was reminded of Swiper from Dora. He really despised his mind sometimes. White made a sound of agreement while Yellow was still busy trying to sing that song. 

[You  _ do  _ have the hottest man alive in your living room—]

{No! Peter isn’t Ryan Reynolds! It’s not the same! *cries*} 

[I . . . you just said ‘cries’ out loud.]

{Yeah, and?}

[Nevermind! I was just trying to say that even when we have the most attractive person alive right in front of us, we still can’t focus.]

Oh, right.  _ Focus Wade.  _

{That’s what she said. Or, well. That’s what Peter would say if we were having sex right now but we weren’t totally with him.}

[Very funny.]

{Thanks, bitc—} 

“Sweetheart, please don’t hurry.”

“Maybe just a movie more.” This man really knew how to make parodies. 

{We’re better. Remember ‘Amish Paradise’?’}

[We didn’t make that, genius.]

{If we believe hard enough then we did.}

“Sit down and relax while I choose one . . . once more.”

{Okay. Maybe we suck. But that’s gay!}

[If I could facepalm I would.]

_ Times 100,  _ Wade added thoughtfully, then remembered that Peter was singing to him. He sat down next to the man and Peter laced their fingers together. Wade caressed Peter’s knuckles with his thumb. 

{A) BONER ALERT BONER ALERT B) Why is caressed such a weird word?} Neither White nor Wade dignified that with a response. 

The two sang a few more lines of the song. During this time, they had gotten gradually closer and closer together. Their hands were still interlocked and there was a movie on, but neither of them were focused on the movie. Yellow supplied that they had seen ‘Home Alone’ plenty of times anyway. Wade didn’t agree with that but he was too busy staring longingly into Peter’s beautiful brown eyes. 

The scarred man sighed happily. Peter sang. “I ought to say no, no, no, sir.” 

{I didn’t know we liked that . . .}

White sighed. [Another kink . . .]

“Mind if I move in closer?” Wade kissed Peter’s cheek again and ran a hand through his hair. His boyfriend seemed to preen at the touch. They were both smiling like idiots right about now. 

“At least I’m gonna say that I tried,” Peter sang while he nuzzled into Wade’s chest. Yellow was screaming about another boner alert. 

Wade smirked. “What’s the sense in hurting my pride?” 

“I really can’t stay.” 

“Baby, don’t hold out.” 

They didn’t get the chance to sing the next line of the song because their lips had already connected. 

**Author's Note:**

> Update 12/17/2020  
> This work originally had a second part, but I got rid of it because it was worse than this one haha. I’ll try to rewrite this eventually.


End file.
